The decision to end a relationship is always a difficult one to make, and even more difficult to execute. The loss of such a tremendously huge part of your life (or possibly even your identity, in a sense) can be extremely tough to recover from. Moreover, there are also many practicalities that one has to consider when it comes to divorce. Needless to say, it is an especially challenging (and not to mention painful) transition to make in life. You are flooded with so many debilitating emotions that it becomes difficult to think rationally in a situation where it is critically essential to think rationally. Divorce can certainly be both traumatic and confusing.
Overcoming the obstacles that a situation like this comes with and trying to reason calmly while resolving the tangles can be close to impossible to do on your own. However, divorce counselling can help you smoothly and effectively adapt, adjust and even thrive in the new circumstances that you find yourself in.
What is Divorce Counselling?
Divorce counselling helps you understand and accept the situation, your feelings and the problems that you’re facing. It takes you through a step-by-step process that helps you make more sense of the causes of your divorce and enables mental and emotional growth which ultimately helps you cope in a much more healthy manner.
Therapy for divorced couples takes place in a safe and comfortable space which allows you to think deeply about your relationship, discuss the emotions that you’re feeling and gain some clarity of thought.
Stages of Grief After Divorce
Initially, the first state that you are going to be in is that of denial. Even if you are the one who initiated the divorce and brought the idea to the table, you may be in denial of the reason you chose to do it for. However with some patience and help, appropriately experienced denial can help soften the blow of the shock of the break up, and eventually ends up leaving you with a mature acknowledgement and acceptance of the pain of the losses of the divorce.
As the numbness of denial wears off, intense sentiments like that of fear, pain and hurt flood your senses. While this is a normal stage of grief and you need to accept your feelings whilst not trying to judge yourself or overly criticize yourself for feeling angry, you need to understand that you cannot indulge in angry behaviour towards or ex-spouse or children (as it is violent, destructive and never leads to anything good).
Improperly managed anger might lead to futile conflict which may devastate the children (if you have any) and it renders one too bitter and resentful to think or act rationally in a very sensitive situation. This may cause a lot of disruption in your life. However, if managed properly and experienced as a temporary stage, it can enable you to finally make the emotional break from your partner.
Bargaining is an attempt to mend the damage done by divorce and trying to avoid the end of the relationship by pretending to be okay and making promises or asking for changes in behaviour from your partner. This could come from a place of unrealistic perception of the circumstances like thinking as though you’d never find someone to love or you might never be able to move on.
However, if you and your partner are both going through this stage then there could be chances of you two trying to work it out for a while. But if the initial reason for divorce is present then it wouldn’t work.
Experiencing this stage as a final destination can lead to devastating outcomes for both you and your partner.
This stage can keep people trapped in denial, anger or bargaining – or even a combination of all three. However, inevitably, the realization that the marriage has ended strikes and is followed by blistering feelings of sadness and regret. This is a normal stage of grief and is the most critical one for reaching out for familial support and spending more time with friends. It is important to keep in mind that these feelings aren’t a sign of failure, rather they indicate that you’re healing. This can be a repetitive stage and it is at this stage that you may need a counselor or a therapist the most.
While this stage does involve feelings of acceptance, that doesn’t mean that they are joyful or happy. Most likely, you aren’t going to celebrate your acceptance (though it might be a good idea to do that as you have achieved a huge feat). Instead, acceptance comes with feelings of courage and realization of your potential, strength and resilience. At this stage, you will finally be able to start thinking about your future and making plans for the rest of your life. You might nonetheless have some strong leftover feelings of sadness and anger, but you know you’ll get better. You know it’ll get better, and so you try to get on with your life (and you finally begin to, too).
Incontact’s Divorce Counselling
We at Incontact have helped many people overcome the grief experienced after divorce. We are extensively trained in several forms of therapeutic interventions and, with the help of a broad-based approach, have assisted many divorced couples and single clients alike through this difficult phase of their lives. Divorce counselling helps you navigate through the complexities of divorce such as enabling you to make rational decisions with regards to the legal, logistical and of course the emotional areas of the procedure. We understand how hard it can be and help you through every step of the way, and as an addition to the assistance, we help you become the best version of yourself as a process of mental and emotional development will be triggered gradually as you progress towards the last few sessions of counselling.
Book an appointment with us for divorce counselling in Singapore or for online divorce counselling sessions.
Frequently Asked Questions
Q. How long does it take to recover from a divorce or a separation from your partner?
The amount of time it takes for a person to heal varies from individual to individual. Some researches say it takes about 17 months and others say it takes 2 years. Some researches say it depends upon the amount of time your relationship lasted. But that doesn’t mean that all time you spend grieving after the end of your relationship would be painful throughout.
Q. How do I know if I need divorce counselling?
Some people can handle divorce well on their own. Others don’t. For some, it can be cripplingly painful, and for others it can be relatively simpler to navigate the uncertainties and the painful stages by themselves. But it is most certainly difficult for everyone. If you think your pain is becoming unbearable, you must seek divorce counselling to help yourself heal.