When your anxiety is picking up something real
Hi there, I’m Aarti, Founder and Lead Counsellor at Incontact. One of the questions I find myself holding more carefully these days is this:
What if the anxious person isn’t imagining it?
For many years, my work as a therapist often involved helping people examine the stories anxiety was telling them.
“Maybe your manager isn’t disappointed.”
“Perhaps you’re assuming rejection before it has happened.”
“Let’s look at the evidence.”
Often, this helped people loosen the grip of anxiety and see situations more clearly.
But over the last few years, particularly in my workplace work, I have noticed something that has changed the way I think.
Sometimes the feared outcome isn’t irrational. Sometimes the person is reading the situation accurately.
And that requires a different kind of conversation.
1 Story — “I think I’m being replaced.”
A client returned to work after maternity leave carrying a quiet fear.
“I think they’re replacing me.”
Almost immediately, she questioned herself.
“I know this is probably just my anxiety.”
Years ago, I might have spent most of our session exploring the evidence against that thought.
But this time, we slowed down differently.
I became curious.
What had she noticed? What had changed since she returned? Were there patterns she was sensing rather than simply imagining?
As we explored further, there were subtle shifts she had been picking up for months.
Responsibilities that had quietly moved elsewhere. Conversations she was no longer included in. Decisions that reached her after everyone else already knew.
None of these, on their own, proved anything.
Together, they painted a picture that deserved attention.
Her anxiety had amplified the fear.
But it had not invented the data.
The work was no longer about convincing her that nothing was wrong. It was about helping her respond thoughtfully to what might actually be unfolding.
1 Insight — Not every anxious thought is an inaccurate one
One of the biggest misconceptions about anxiety is that it is always wrong.
Anxiety can certainly distort reality.
It can catastrophise, overgeneralise, make one jump to conclusions.
But anxiety also has another side.
It often notices change before our conscious mind has organised it into a coherent story.
Tiny shifts in behaviour.
Subtle changes in tone.
Repeated patterns.
The body sometimes registers these long before the mind understands them.
The challenge is not deciding whether anxiety is right or wrong. The challenge is learning to separate the signal from the noise.
When we dismiss every anxious feeling as “just anxiety”, we risk ignoring important information. When we believe every anxious thought without question, we become overwhelmed by fear.
Psychological health lies somewhere in the middle.
It is the ability to stay curious enough to ask:
“What am I noticing?”
“What assumptions am I making?”
“What evidence supports them?”
“What do I need to prepare for if my intuition is pointing towards something real?”
2 tools to work with anxiety, not against it
Tool 1 — Ask, “What is the data beneath the fear?”
When anxiety appears, resist the urge to either believe it completely or dismiss it immediately.
Instead, separate the feeling from the observations.
What have you actually seen?
What has changed?
What patterns keep repeating?
Anxiety may be adding intensity.
But there may also be information hidden underneath it.
Tool 2 — Prepare without predicting
You do not have to know exactly what is going to happen to begin responding wisely.
If your intuition tells you visibility at work has changed, start building relationships.
If opportunities have become fewer, begin documenting your contributions.
If something feels different, have conversations rather than waiting for certainty.
Preparation is not pessimism.
It is thoughtful responsiveness.
Over the years, I have become less interested in helping people simply think more positively. I am more interested in helping them think more accurately. Sometimes that means challenging anxious assumptions. Sometimes it means helping someone trust what they have been quietly noticing all along.
Wisdom is knowing the difference.
With warmth and care,
Aarti ❤️
