Some people resonate with the idea of radical acceptance through the phrase, “it is what it is.” While this captures the essence of radical acceptance—acknowledging things as they are—it’s not about simply resigning yourself to circumstances. Rather, it’s about recognizing and accepting the reality of a situation, even if it’s unpleasant or painful. Radical acceptance means understanding that we are all doing the best we can (Dimeff & Koerner, 2007).
Radical acceptance is a key distress tolerance skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT). It involves accepting things as they are, without trying to change or control them. This includes accepting one’s own emotions and reactions to situations, even when they are uncomfortable. It’s essentially about stopping the internal fight against reality. By understanding that certain things—such as the past, other people’s behaviours, or certain events—are beyond our control, we can move toward a healthier way of living . Radical acceptance doesn’t mean denying or ignoring your feelings, but rather acknowledging them and learning to live with them constructively.
Radical acceptance can be an ally, especially in the face of life’s challenges. Here are some key areas where it can be applied:
Sometimes, emotional suppression can be easily confused with radical acceptance. Emotional suppression involves consciously or unconsciously pushing down emotions to avoid discomfort, which can lead to detachment and unprocessed feelings. Over time, it can create a sense of emotional numbness. Many people mistake emotional suppression for radical acceptance due to a lack of understanding or societal conditioning that discourages emotional expression. Cultural beliefs and personal experiences, like past trauma, can make it challenging to differentiate between suppressing emotions and accepting them. While suppression avoids feelings, radical acceptance encourages individuals to fully experience and acknowledge their emotions without judgement.
Radical acceptance becomes especially crucial during adverse circumstances, allowing us to navigate challenges without denial or resistance. Take grief, for example: losing a loved one is profoundly difficult, and radical acceptance helps us confront the reality of that loss. Instead of wishing things were different, we acknowledge the emotions that come with grief, such as sadness, anger, or frustration, and allow ourselves to experience them fully. This frees us from the burden of wanting to control the uncontrollable.
By letting go of the need to control the situation or wishing things were different, radical acceptance frees us to focus on what we can control: our responses and actions. This shift in focus enables personal growth and emotional resilience, even in the face of adversity.
Radical acceptance is a cornerstone of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), a therapeutic approach designed to help individuals manage intense emotions and develop healthier coping mechanisms. DBT emphasises the balance between acceptance and change. By integrating radical acceptance, clients are encouraged to fully embrace their current reality, while also working on strategies for positive change in their lives. This blend of acceptance and change is what makes DBT effective for individuals struggling with issues such as emotional regulation, self-harm, and interpersonal conflicts.
To begin practising radical acceptance, try these steps:
Radical acceptance is more than just a skill; it’s an approach to navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience and emotional strength. Practising radical acceptance helps us open up to personal growth and develop a deeper understanding of our experiences, without a negative outlook, reducing emotional suffering, and focusing on what truly matters.
We all face moments of regrets, adversities, complex emotions, and uncertainties that can feel incredibly overwhelming. Radical acceptance helps shift your perspective and empowers you to live more fully. Instead of getting stuck in what we wish were different, we learn to embrace reality.
Radical acceptance can offer emotional freedom and empowers us to acknowledge our emotions and experiences independent of judgement.
At Incontact Counselling, we offer support in applying radical acceptance through DBT and other therapeutic methods. Our trained therapists can guide you through the process of accepting your reality while developing healthy strategies to move forward. Reach out to us today to start your journey toward a more accepting and peaceful life.
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