Clarity for couples uncertain about their future
What is Discernment Counselling?
Discernment counselling is a short-term, structured process designed for couples who feel stuck between staying together and separating. Unlike traditional couples therapy, which focuses on resolving relationship issues, discernment counselling helps partners gain clarity on whether they want to work on the relationship or move toward separation. It is especially helpful for mixed-agenda couples—where one partner is leaning out while the other hopes to repair the relationship.
Through a combination of individual reflection and guided conversations, discernment counselling provides a safe space to explore emotions, understand relationship patterns, and evaluate all possible paths. The goal is not to fix the relationship immediately but to make a thoughtful, informed decision about its future.
Common issues we address in Discernment Counselling
- Mixed-agenda relationships
- Fear of making the wrong decision
- Unresolved relationship conflicts
- Emotional disconnection
- Trust and betrayal issues
- Concerns about children and family impact
- Communication breakdown
- Guilt and uncertainty about separation
- Past resentment affecting decisions
- Lack of clarity about the future
Why choose Discernment Counselling?
Clarity before commitment
Before investing in couples therapy or making a final decision, discernment counselling helps you understand whether repairing the relationship is the right path.
Guidance for mixed-agenda couples
When one partner wants to stay and the other is unsure, this process provides structure to navigate differing perspectives with respect.
Insight into relationship patterns
Instead of just focusing on the present conflict, discernment counselling helps you recognise recurring patterns and each partner’s role in them.
A decision, not just discussions
This isn't an open-ended process—by the end, you’ll have a clearer sense of your next steps, whether that’s separation or working toward reconciliation.
Less regret, more confidence
Making a choice about your relationship is hard. Discernment counselling ensures you’ve explored all options, reducing doubt and second-guessing later.
Discernment Counselling at Incontact
Individual sessions for clarity
Each partner meets separately with the counsellor to share their feelings, concerns, and hopes for the relationship. This helps both individuals gain personal insights without external pressure.
Joint sessions for shared understanding
The couple comes together to discuss their perspectives in a structured, guided conversation. The focus is on understanding, not problem-solving, so both partners feel heard.
Exploring relationship dynamics
The counsellor helps each partner reflect on their role in the relationship, uncovering patterns that have led to the current situation.
Considering all possible paths
Couples explore three options: maintaining the status quo, ending the relationship with clarity, or committing to six months of focused effort to rebuild.
Making an informed decision
By the end of the process, couples gain deeper self-awareness and a clear, confident understanding of their next steps—without pressure or regret.
FAQ
Discernment counselling typically lasts between one to five sessions, depending on the complexity of the issues involved. The process is focused on clarity, not long-term therapy.
While both partners are encouraged to participate, individual sessions can still be helpful. The process helps the partner who is uncertain gain clarity about their options and next steps.
Unlike traditional couples therapy, which focuses on resolving issues, discernment counselling helps partners decide whether they want to work on the relationship or move toward separation. It’s a decision-making process, not a problem-solving one.
While the goal is not necessarily to "save" the relationship, discernment counselling provides clarity on whether working to repair the relationship is the right path, ensuring that any decision made is informed and thoughtful.
Yes, the purpose of discernment counselling is to help you reach a clear decision. By the end, you’ll have a better understanding of whether to continue working on the relationship or separate, with a clear direction moving forward.
Yes, all sessions are confidential. Each partner has the opportunity to express themselves openly, knowing their thoughts and feelings are private.
Discernment counselling is ideal if you're feeling uncertain about your relationship and want to make an informed decision. If you're struggling with conflicting desires about staying together or separating, this process can help clarify your path forward.
After completing the process, you may choose to engage in couples therapy to rebuild your relationship or begin the process of separation. The goal is to ensure you have the clarity to make the best decision for your future.
No, discernment counselling is for couples who are unsure about their future, whether or not they are in crisis. It’s a proactive way to make a thoughtful, informed decision about the relationship.
If you're unsure whether it’s the right choice, consider scheduling a consultation to learn more about the process. It’s important to explore options before making any major decisions, and discernment counselling can provide that clarity.
