What Not to Expect from Therapy: Dispelling Common Misconceptions

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You finally booked your first therapy session, nerves and hope swirling inside you. Maybe you’ve heard that therapy can work wonders – and it can. In fact, around 75–80% of people who go to therapy experience some benefit​. But before you settle into that couch, let’s clear up some unrealistic expectations that first-timers often bring along. Therapy is a powerful tool for growth and healing, but it’s not magic. Understanding what NOT to expect can help you get the most out of your experience and avoid disappointment.

Starting therapy is a brave and positive step. Yet, thanks to movies, TV, or well-meaning advice from others, you might be picturing therapy as something it’s not. It’s easy to imagine spilling your guts once and walking out “fixed,” or expecting your therapist to be a best friend with all the answers. These assumptions are totally normal for newcomers – and that’s why we’re here to debunk them. Below, we’ll tackle some common misconceptions about therapy, so you can head into your first session with realistic expectations, confidence, and a lot less anxiety. Let’s dive into what you should not expect from therapy (and what you can expect instead).

Don’t Expect a Quick Fix

One of the biggest myths about therapy is that it will solve your problems overnight. It’s understandable – when we’re hurting, we want relief fast. You might hope that after one or two sessions, you’ll have profound insights and never feel anxious again.
Reality check: therapy is not a one-and-done miracle cure. It’s more like a journey or a process, much like getting fit at the gym. You wouldn’t expect to run a marathon after a single jog, and similarly, you typically won’t overcome deep-seated issues in a week or two.

In fact, a notable number of people (about 15–20%) quit therapy after just one or two sessions​, perhaps feeling discouraged that they didn’t achieve instant happiness. This is unfortunate, because most patients show significant improvement only after several weeks – often around the 8th to 10th session. Progress takes time, and that’s normal.

Instead of a quick fix, think of therapy as gradual healing. Early on, you and your therapist will get to know each other and pinpoint the challenges to work on. There may be some immediate relief in simply feeling heard – many people do feel a bit lighter after finally opening up. But true change usually happens bit by bit. For example, if you’re dealing with years of self-doubt, you might spend the first few sessions just uncovering where those feelings come from. Over subsequent sessions, you’ll learn coping strategies and start applying them in your daily life.

There might be a breakthrough moment down the line – say, realizing a pattern in your relationships or finally standing up for yourself at work – but it likely comes after building trust and laying groundwork. Therapy is a marathon, not a sprint. Knowing this upfront can keep you from giving up too soon. Remember, the payoff for your patience can be life-changing: over time you’ll develop insights and skills that really do help you feel and live better.

Don’t Expect Your Therapist to Do All the Work

Another common misconception is that the therapist will “fix” you while you simply sit and absorb wisdom. It’s a comforting thought – who wouldn’t want an expert to just take our troubles away? But that’s not how therapy works. Therapists are guides, not magicians. They can provide insight, tools, and support, but the actual work of healing and change is up to you. One way to look at it: your therapist is like a personal trainer for your mental health. They’ll show you the exercises, but you’ve got to lift the weights and do the reps. If you don’t engage in the process, you won’t see much progress.

What does “doing the work” look like? It means being open and honest during sessions, reflecting on what you discuss, and trying out suggestions in your life between appointments. For example, if your therapist suggests journaling to manage stress, it’s on you to actually give it a try. If they teach you a breathing technique for anxiety, you’ll need to practice it when you start feeling anxious.

Therapy is often a collaboration: you and your therapist are a team. They bring their expertise in human behavior and coping strategies; you bring your personal experience and effort. Consider the story of Jake, who came to therapy for anger issues expecting the therapist to “cure” his temper. In sessions, the therapist offered anger management techniques and helped Jake recognize his triggers. But it wasn’t until Jake actively started using those techniques at home – pausing to breathe when provoked, channeling anger into exercise – that he saw improvement.

Therapy isn’t a passive spa treatment; it’s a working relationship. The encouraging news is that by doing your part, you become empowered. You’re not just getting someone else to solve your problems – you’re learning to solve them yourself, with guidance. That sense of personal growth is one of the most rewarding aspects of therapy.

Don’t Expect Therapy to Be Just Talking with No Action

Many first-timers imagine therapy as simply venting for an hour while the therapist listens. It’s true that talking is a big part of therapy – getting things off your chest, expressing feelings, and being heard are all very important. But effective therapy usually involves more than just chatting about your week. In fact, successful therapy often includes “homework” or practices outside of your sessions to help reinforce what you learn. So, if you thought therapy is only what happens in the therapist’s office, get ready for a more interactive experience!

Therapists often give practical exercises or suggestions for you to work on between sessions. For example, a cognitive-behavioral therapist might ask you to keep a thought diary to track negative thoughts, or to practice a new coping skill (like a mindfulness exercise) each day. A couples’ therapist might give a struggling pair a communication exercise to try at home. This is because real change happens in your day-to-day life, not just in that 50-minute conversation.

Imagine you’re learning to play guitar: your weekly lesson is helpful, but you only improve if you practice between lessons. Similarly, therapy might introduce you to new ways of thinking or give you insight during the session, but applying those insights outside – in real scenarios – is key. Don’t worry, “homework” isn’t usually heavy or graded! It could be as gentle as noticing your emotions and writing them down, or as active as confronting a small fear to build courage. The point is, therapy is an active process. Simply talking without ever trying new approaches or behaviors might lead you to feel stuck. On the flip side, when you do follow through on your therapist’s recommendations, you’ll start to see progress.

For instance, Mia used to just vent in therapy about feeling lonely, but her therapist encouraged her to join one social activity per week as practice. Taking that action – awkward as it felt at first – eventually led Mia to build a supportive friend circle, something pure talk alone hadn’t achieved. So expect your therapist to listen and talk things through with you, but also expect them to gently nudge you toward taking action in your life.

Don’t Expect to Feel Better After Every Session

This one surprises a lot of therapy newcomers: sometimes you might actually feel worse before you feel better. It sounds counterintuitive – after all, aren’t you going to therapy to feel good? But the truth is, therapy can stir up difficult emotions, and not every session leaves you with warm, fuzzy feelings.

​ Think of therapy like physical therapy for an injury: some sessions are hard and leave you sore, but ultimately they help you heal stronger. In therapy for your mind, one week you might leave the session feeling relieved and enlightened, and the next week you might walk out feeling emotionally drained or even upset. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean the session “went wrong” – often it means you touched on something important.

For example, let’s say in one session you finally talk about a painful childhood memory or a recent loss. During the conversation, you might feel a release, even cry, which is a positive step in processing it. But afterwards, you could have what some call a “therapy hangover” – a period of feeling blue, tired, or raw. Your therapist might have also gently challenged you on a behavior or belief, which could sting a bit as you reflect on it.

Discomfort is sometimes part of the process of growth. As one therapist explains, people often feel worse after therapy because sessions bring up deep, painful emotions or challenge long-held beliefs​. The key is to remember this is usually temporary and ultimately helpful. Feeling sad after opening up an old wound is natural – it’s the wound healing. Over time, as you continue to work through those tough topics, you’ll likely find that the bad days happen less often and you start feeling better overall.

Many therapy-goers report that after riding out a rough patch, they experience significant breakthroughs – like feeling a huge sense of relief or noticing their anxiety has lessened. It’s a bit of “two steps forward, one step back.” So, don’t be alarmed if you occasionally leave a session in a low mood. Therapy isn’t about instant happiness every week; it’s about gradually building true well-being.

If a session does leave you feeling down, be kind to yourself: maybe journal about it, take a relaxing walk, or even let your therapist know next time. They can help you make sense of those feelings. In the end, sticking with therapy through the emotional ups and downs is what leads to real, lasting improvement.

Don’t Expect Your Therapist to Be Your Friend

Therapists are often warm, caring, and easy to talk to – qualities that might remind you of a friend. And you absolutely should feel comfortable and supported by them. But it’s important to remember that your therapist is not your friend in the traditional sense. This relationship is a professional one, with boundaries designed to keep it safe and beneficial for you. What does that mean? For starters, your therapist won’t socialize with you or share personal stories the way a friend would. You won’t be grabbing coffee for a casual hangout or trading gossip about your mutual acquaintances. If you bump into your therapist in public, they likely won’t even acknowledge you unless you acknowledge them first (it’s a confidentiality thing, not a snub!). While this might feel strange, these boundaries are there for a reason.

Think of it this way: friends are there to hang out with you, mutually share, and maybe tell you what you want to hear to make you feel better. A therapist, on the other hand, is there to focus entirely on you and your well-being. They maintain a supportive, non-judgmental stance, but they won’t blur professional lines.

For example, if you’re used to friends who might let you avoid certain hard truths, a therapist won’t do the same. This doesn’t mean therapists are cold – far from it. They can be incredibly empathetic and you may feel a strong bond with them. It’s just a different kind of bond than friendship. One common scenario is when a client starts feeling very close to their therapist and wishes they could be actual friends, perhaps thinking “We get along so well!” It’s natural to feel that closeness, but your therapist will keep the relationship strictly professional. They won’t share much about their own life – if they do, it’s only to benefit your therapy.

At first, this boundary might feel a little disappointing (“But I really like my therapist!”). However, it’s actually what makes therapy work. Because your therapist isn’t your friend, you don’t have to take care of their feelings or worry about the relationship outside of sessions. The focus stays on your growth. And as a professional, your therapist can provide objective help in a way a friend can’t. You can absolutely have a great connection with your therapist. It just will be a professional, therapeutic connection rather than a personal friendship. And that’s a good thing.

Don’t Expect Constant Agreement from Your Therapist

Following on the heels of the “not a friend” point, it’s worth highlighting that a good therapist will not constantly agree with everything you say. Wait – isn’t the therapist supposed to be on your side? Yes, they are on your side in terms of wanting the best for you. But being on your side sometimes means telling you things you might not tell yourself. Remember, you’re not paying someone just to nod and say “yep, you’re right.” Friends might do that to avoid conflict or make you feel validated.

Therapists, however, have a responsibility to help you grow, and that often involves challenging you gently on certain thoughts or behaviors. In therapy, you might occasionally hear things like, “I wonder if there’s another way to look at that situation?” or “Let’s explore your part in that conflict.” These aren’t disagreements to provoke you; they’re prompts to help you see the full picture.

In fact, if you go into therapy expecting the therapist to rubber-stamp all your opinions and decisions, you might feel taken aback when they don’t. For example, imagine you’re venting about an argument with a co-worker. A friend might say, “Yeah, she was totally out of line, you’re 100% in the right!” A therapist might empathize with your frustration, but also ask, “What do you think triggered her reaction? Is there anything you might do differently next time?” That’s not siding against you – it’s helping you gain insight into the conflict and how to resolve it.

Therapists are trained to spot patterns and blind spots, so if you have a habit that’s hurting you, they will (kindly) point it out. This might feel uncomfortable in the moment (no one loves being wrong!), but it’s ultimately in service of your growth. As an example, Sonia always expected reassurance that she was a victim in every bad situation. In therapy, she was surprised when her therapist occasionally pushed back, suggesting that in some cases Sonia’s own choices led to the outcomes she disliked. It was tough to swallow at first, but over time Sonia realized these insights were invaluable – they empowered her to change those choices and break out of old patterns.

A skilled therapist will balance support with honesty. They validate your feelings (you should always feel heard and understood), but they might not validate every belief if it’s a harmful or distorted one. And that’s a good thing, because it helps you challenge and change unhelpful thoughts. So, don’t expect your therapist to say “you’re right” to every complaint or to avoid giving you constructive feedback.

As one set of therapy guidelines notes, just because a therapist is non-judgmental doesn’t mean they won’t ever challenge you – they will, but with the goal of finding solutions, not making you feel bad. In the end, this honest dialogue is what helps you make real progress. You might even come to appreciate that your therapist can tell you the gentle truth that others won’t.

Don’t Expect a One-Size-Fits-All Solution

Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all endeavor, and expecting a universal solution or approach that works for everyone is another pitfall. You might have heard how someone else’s therapy went – “My friend’s therapist told her to try meditation and it fixed her panic attacks, so that will work for me too.” Or maybe you read about a certain therapy method that’s supposed to be amazing for all problems.

The reality is that each person’s situation is unique, and good therapists tailor their approach to fit your specific needs. There are many types of therapy (cognitive-behavioral, psychodynamic, EMDR, solution-focused, and so on), and within sessions, what works for one client may not resonate with another.

What does this mean for your expectations? First, be cautious of any promise of a universal cure (“just do yoga, you’ll feel great!” or “any good therapist will fix you in three sessions using technique X”). Therapy is a personalized experience. In fact, therapists often say they craft individualized treatment plans for each client.  In practice, that could mean your therapist tries different techniques to see what clicks with you.

For example, if you’re anxious and one method isn’t helping (maybe deep breathing isn’t your cup of tea), they might try another approach (like mindfulness, or challenging anxious thoughts, or even creative exercises) until you find something that helps. It also means the timeline can vary: one person might resolve a specific phobia in a few months, while someone else working through childhood trauma might be in therapy on and off for a longer time. Neither is “wrong” – it’s about what you need.

Think of therapy like getting a custom-tailored outfit rather than buying off-the-rack. It should be fitted to you. If you expect a one-size-fits-all solution, you could be frustrated when a popular self-help tip doesn’t work instantly in your case. Instead, keep an open mind that therapy might involve some experimentation.

A relatable anecdote is of Raj, who went into therapy for depression expecting the famous “CBT” (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) would be used because he read it works for many people. His therapist did use CBT techniques, but also incorporated some interpersonal therapy when it became clear Raj’s relationships were a key part of his depression. This mix was what he needed, even if it wasn’t what he originally thought.

The bottom line: don’t expect a cookie-cutter solution. If something in therapy isn’t working for you, tell your therapist – a good one will adjust the approach. And if you feel like you’re just not meshing with a therapist’s style, it’s okay to seek a different therapist who might use a method that fits you better. Therapy should feel custom-made for you, because truly, it is.

Finding the Right Support with Incontact

By now, you hopefully feel more prepared for what therapy is really like – and what it isn’t. Dispelling these myths can make your first steps into counseling less daunting and more productive. The final piece of the puzzle is finding the right therapist and support for your needs, so you can put all this knowledge into practice.

This is where Incontact comes in. Incontact is a service dedicated to helping individuals connect with the right therapy and support. Everyone’s journey is different, and Incontact understands that. They offer a range of counselling and therapy options, ensuring that the approach is tailored to you – not one-size-fits-all. Whether you’re struggling with anxiety, depression, relationship issues, or just seeking personal growth, Incontact can guide you to a professional who has experience in that area and the therapeutic style that suits you best.

They even provide e-counselling (online therapy), an accessible solution if in-person sessions are difficult for you, so that support is always within reach. With Incontact, you get a safe, confidential platform to start your therapy journey, and a team that prioritizes your unique needs and preferences. In other words, it takes the guesswork and stress out of finding a therapist. Instead of walking in blind, you’ll have confidence that your therapist is a good match from the get-go.

Starting therapy can be a big step, but you don’t have to do it alone. Incontact helps you start off on the right foot by connecting you with the compassionate, qualified support you deserve. With the right therapist by your side and realistic expectations in mind, you’ll be well-equipped to experience the true benefits of therapy – and move toward a happier, healthier you. Good luck on your journey!