Broken Vows: Navigating the End of a Marriage and Embracing Healing

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Navigating the breakdown of a marriage is deeply personal and often intensely painful. From my experience, I can attest that it’s heart-wrenching and laden with feelings of failure, fear, shame, and worthlessness. It’s undeniably a journey of healing that has helped me uncover parts of myself I lost along the way, which was a huge part of my identity. This journey has forced me to be honest and reflective about my limitations and what is needed in a relationship, recognising how I had previously overlooked the crucial elements that foster a healthy partnership. It also empowered me to understand what my core needs are and to accept the ones that were not met. I’ve understood that we all carry emotional baggage into our relationships, driven by unmet needs and shaped by our upbringing. Our perceptions of ourselves, others, and the world are moulded by our experiences and the examples set by our parents or caregivers. Through this, we learn the roles and beliefs of a husband or wife.

There are no universal answers, as everyone’s journey is unique. This is why exploring these themes with someone you trust and feel comfortable with is essential. For me, finding a suitable therapist years ago, as well as having a strong community that I could lean on, were pivotal parts of my healing process, helping me navigate through these challenging waters. It’s a process filled with emotional upheaval, significant adjustments in daily life, and reimagining a future that looks markedly different from what was once envisioned. This blog aims to explore the emotional journey of a marital breakdown, understanding when to seek help, and implementing self-care strategies to aid in coping and healing.

Understanding the Emotional Rollercoaster

Shock and Denial

In the immediate aftermath, you might find yourself grappling with disbelief. This isn’t just about refusing to accept the reality; it’s a natural defence against emotional overload. Shock cushions the initial heartbreak, but it’s temporary.

Pain and Uncertainty

As denial fades, the full magnitude of loss sweeps in. This stage is often fraught with profound sadness and vulnerability. It’s normal to question your future and self-worth during this time.

Anger and Bargaining

It’s common to feel anger—toward yourself, your spouse, or the universe for putting you in this situation. You might find yourself replaying “what if” scenarios in your mind, thinking you could have done something to prevent this outcome.

Depression and Loneliness

Once the reality truly settles in, loneliness and depression can surface. This phase is often the most challenging, and it’s crucial not to go through it alone. Reach out to friends, family, or professionals who can offer support.

Acceptance and Rebuilding

With time, acceptance begins to dawn. This doesn’t mean you’re happy about the situation, but you recognize this new chapter in your life for what it is. Now, you can start laying the foundation for your future. (I will admit it took me years to figure out what I wanted in my life, if I wanted a relationship again, what kind of relationship I would want and most importantly, how I will show up for this relationship! I will write another blog on this). However, the more crucial part of rebuilding was my independence – emotional, physical and financial independence. For me, it was upskilling my knowledge and studies, and note rebuilding may look different for everyone.

Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you:

* Need a space to process this journey.
* Experience overwhelming sadness or depression that doesn’t seem to improve.
* Suffer from heightened anxiety, stress, or panic attacks.
* Find daily responsibilities and coping increasingly difficult.
* Feel emotionally numb or detached for an extended period.

A therapist can offer a safe space to explore these feelings and begin the healing process. Support groups and counselling can provide comfort and understanding from those who’ve faced similar challenges.

Self-Care Strategies

1. Maintain Routine

Maintain daily rituals and structure as much as possible as we need predictability. This can provide a sense of normalcy and control.

2. Physical Health

Take care of your physical health. Regular exercise, adequate sleep, and proper nutrition can help manage stress and enhance well-being. I found walking each evening helped with coping with the ever-changing emotions and negative thoughts.

3. Social Support

Lean on friends, family, or your community who can provide emotional support. This support will help you get through the most challenging of days and remind you of your worth and sense of Self. Whereas isolation can deepen feelings of loneliness.

4. Journaling

Consider keeping a journal. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a cathartic and revealing process.

5. New Interests

Take your time with this. If you feel a need for some change, engage in new activities or hobbies. This can help redirect your mind and provide opportunities to meet new people and expand your social network.

6. Mindfulness and Relaxation

Practices like meditation, yoga, prayer or even deep-breathing exercises can help maintain emotional balance.

Moving Forward

While the breakdown of a marriage signifies the end of one chapter, it also marks the beginning of another. Each phase of the journey requires patience, self-compassion, and time. Every emotion you feel, from grief to relief, is valid. Allow yourself time to grieve and heal. With each passing day, you’re slowly stepping into a new phase of life, equipped with greater strength and self-awareness. Remember, it’s not just about moving on but moving forward.