Have you thought about seeing a male counsellor?

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I have often been curious as a male counsellor of our relevance in the mental health space and the difference we are making because of a belief that has compounded over decades; that we do not need to express ourselves. Expression is a sign of vulnerability and the message we have received as children; boys need to be strong.

To extrapolate this thought further – I have come across an article with these statistics; 76% of all psycho therapists are women and only 24% are men*.

The above phenomenon is interesting.

• Are men less interested in psychology in general?
• Do today’s men still possess the ‘stiff upper lip’ and avoid talking about feelings and emotions?

As a male therapist, here are some of my thoughts as to why clients might want to talk to a male counsellor and to normalise the counselling for men

1. Men –

Shares a brotherhood – To begin with, issues such as sex, anger, depression, addiction, fatherhood, infidelity are difficult and complex topics to discuss. Men might want to share with a male counsellor because they may feel more comfortable talking to someone with the same gender, who has a common context.

Some men may have strong negative opinions of women due to their upbringing or their lived experiences and thus trust and openness might be difficult for them in front of the female therapist.  They might be more willing to be vulnerable and open when sharing about their lives with the male counsellor.

2. Female –

Women tend to share their feelings and emotions with their friends, long before they come for a session. This is a strength and of course advocated and supported by our society.

It might be the case that they have heard enough advice from female relatives and friends. So, they are often very interested and curious to seek out a male’s perspective of their situation; especially if the issue they are facing is in relation to a male.

3. Couples –

Many couples with relationship problems come specifically asking for a male counsellor. Why? It is a practical choice. Their husbands or partners would not turn up – unless it is a male counsellor. It might come from the belief that there is less judgement as the male counsellor will have a neutral perspective.

4. Children/Youth –

Many fathers are working / travelling and as a result caregiving is often defaulted to the mothers. The often anxious or maybe even desperate moms intuitively look for a male counsellor to perhaps provide the perspective of an absent father-figure in the child’s life. The male authority figure and what it represents might be what the mother thinks is lacking in her child’s life.

5. Elderly –

After working all their lives, many men do not know what to do when they finally retire. They become restless, lonely and more prone to depression. The elderly male needing a listening and empathetic ear – to talk, to reflect and to ruminate or even to recount old days and time. This is a group that is growing in numbers in our aging society.

There are exceptions of course… but the above does offer some food for thought when you next consider looking for a counsellor.